BIFF QUICK RESPONSES TO HIGH CONFLICT PEOPLE THEIR PERSONAL ATTACKS HOSTILE EMAIL AND SOCIAL MEDIA MELTDOWNS

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Biff

Author : Bill Eddy
ISBN : 9781936268795
Genre : Business & Economics
File Size : 38.34 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Docs
Download : 316
Read : 1313

We live in an age of rapid change and instant communication. We also live in a Culture of Blame and Disrespect... Has anyone ever told you: “It’s all YOUR fault!” “You should be ashamed of yourself!” “You’re a disgrace to your _________________!” [family][community][country][team][profession][party][you fill in the blank] “What’s the matter with you? Are you crazy? Stupid? Immoral? Unethical? Evil?” And then were you told everything that’s “wrong” with you and how you should behave? It’s Not About You! Let’s face it. Most of us have said something like this when we “lost it” – hopefully not too often. But some people communicate this way a lot! It’s helpful to know that their personal attacks are not about you. They are about the blamer’s inability to control himself and solve problems. When people repeatedly use personal attacks, I think of them as “high-conflict people” (HCPs), because they lack skills for dealing well with conflict. Instead of sharing responsibility for solving problems, they repeatedly lose it and increase conflict by making it intensely personal and taking no responsibility. They are the most difficult people, because they are preoccupied with blaming others – what I call their “targets of blame” – which may include you! They speak Blamespeak: Attack, defend – and attack again. I wrote this book to help you respond to anyone who tries to engage you with hostile emails, texts, Facebook postings, vicious rumors or just plain difficult behavior. But before I explain how to write a BIFF response, I want to give you a brief understanding of how HCPs think. To deal with them successfully requires a shift in how you think about them - so that you know what not to do, as well as what to do. Your BIFF responses will be better if you know this. HCPs have a repeated pattern of aggressive behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. It may be part of their personalities – how they automatically and unconsciously think, feel and behave – and they carry this pattern with them. They tend to have a lot of: - All-or-nothing thinking (one person is all good, another is all bad) - Unmanaged emotions (exaggerated anger, fear, sadness – out of proportion to events) - Extreme behavior (yelling, hitting, lying, spreading rumors, impulsive actions, etc.) - Preoccupation with blaming others (people close to them or people in authority) To HCPs, it seems normal and necessary to intensely blame others. They can’t restrain themselves, even though their blaming may harm themselves as well. When problems and conflicts arise, instead of looking for solutions, HCPs look for someone to blame. They think that it must be all your fault or else it might appear to be all their fault – and they can’t cope with that possibility for psychological reasons. They become preoccupied with blaming others in order to escape being blamed themselves. But you can’t point this out to them, because they become even more defensive. To HCPs, conflict often feels like a life or death struggle. They feel that their survival is at stake, so that they often show unmanaged emotions and extreme behaviors – even in routine conflicts or under normal pressures. You don’t need to figure out whether someone is a high-conflict person. If you suspect someone is an HCP, just respond more carefully and understand that the person may have less self-control than you do. BIFF responses are a good method for coping with HCPs – and you can use them with anyone!
Category: Business & Economics

Biff

Author : LCSW Eddy
ISBN : 9781936268382
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 59.83 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Docs
Download : 370
Read : 224

We live in an age of rapid change and instant communication. We also live in a Culture of Blame and Disrespect. Managing your responses to high-conflict emails, texts, letters, and social media meltdowns is imperative. A BIFF response can be applied in any communication anywhere - on the Internet, in a letter or in person. It can be used at work, earning you respect and success. It can help you get along with difficult family members, friends, neighbors and others anywhere in your life. BIFF was designed to protect you and your reputation by responding quickly and civilly to people who treat you rudely - while being reasonable in return. BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. A BIFF response is easy to remember, but hard to do. It takes practice! This little book gives over 20 examples of BIFF responses for all areas of life - plus additional tips to help you deal with high-conflict people anywhere. See if you can do a BIFF! Not everyone can.
Category: Family & Relationships

Biff

Author : Bill Eddy
ISBN : 9781936268351
Genre : Business & Economics
File Size : 75.40 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Mobi
Download : 155
Read : 484

This little book gives more than 20 examples of BIFF responses--brief, informative, friendly, and firm--for all areas of life, plus additional tips to help readers deal with high-conflict people anywhere. 158 pp.
Category: Business & Economics

Biff

Author : Bill Eddy
ISBN : 9781936268795
Genre : Business & Economics
File Size : 47.56 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Docs
Download : 558
Read : 515

We live in an age of rapid change and instant communication. We also live in a Culture of Blame and Disrespect... Has anyone ever told you: “It’s all YOUR fault!” “You should be ashamed of yourself!” “You’re a disgrace to your _________________!” [family][community][country][team][profession][party][you fill in the blank] “What’s the matter with you? Are you crazy? Stupid? Immoral? Unethical? Evil?” And then were you told everything that’s “wrong” with you and how you should behave? It’s Not About You! Let’s face it. Most of us have said something like this when we “lost it” – hopefully not too often. But some people communicate this way a lot! It’s helpful to know that their personal attacks are not about you. They are about the blamer’s inability to control himself and solve problems. When people repeatedly use personal attacks, I think of them as “high-conflict people” (HCPs), because they lack skills for dealing well with conflict. Instead of sharing responsibility for solving problems, they repeatedly lose it and increase conflict by making it intensely personal and taking no responsibility. They are the most difficult people, because they are preoccupied with blaming others – what I call their “targets of blame” – which may include you! They speak Blamespeak: Attack, defend – and attack again. I wrote this book to help you respond to anyone who tries to engage you with hostile emails, texts, Facebook postings, vicious rumors or just plain difficult behavior. But before I explain how to write a BIFF response, I want to give you a brief understanding of how HCPs think. To deal with them successfully requires a shift in how you think about them - so that you know what not to do, as well as what to do. Your BIFF responses will be better if you know this. HCPs have a repeated pattern of aggressive behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. It may be part of their personalities – how they automatically and unconsciously think, feel and behave – and they carry this pattern with them. They tend to have a lot of: - All-or-nothing thinking (one person is all good, another is all bad) - Unmanaged emotions (exaggerated anger, fear, sadness – out of proportion to events) - Extreme behavior (yelling, hitting, lying, spreading rumors, impulsive actions, etc.) - Preoccupation with blaming others (people close to them or people in authority) To HCPs, it seems normal and necessary to intensely blame others. They can’t restrain themselves, even though their blaming may harm themselves as well. When problems and conflicts arise, instead of looking for solutions, HCPs look for someone to blame. They think that it must be all your fault or else it might appear to be all their fault – and they can’t cope with that possibility for psychological reasons. They become preoccupied with blaming others in order to escape being blamed themselves. But you can’t point this out to them, because they become even more defensive. To HCPs, conflict often feels like a life or death struggle. They feel that their survival is at stake, so that they often show unmanaged emotions and extreme behaviors – even in routine conflicts or under normal pressures. You don’t need to figure out whether someone is a high-conflict person. If you suspect someone is an HCP, just respond more carefully and understand that the person may have less self-control than you do. BIFF responses are a good method for coping with HCPs – and you can use them with anyone!
Category: Business & Economics

High Conflict People In Legal Disputes

Author : Bill Eddy
ISBN : 9781936268009
Genre : Law
File Size : 74.97 MB
Format : PDF
Download : 843
Read : 987

An easy and practical book for legal professionals or anyone else disputing with someone with a high-conflict personality.
Category: Law

It S All Your Fault

Author : William A. Eddy
ISBN : 9781936268023
Genre : Business & Economics
File Size : 20.89 MB
Format : PDF, Mobi
Download : 165
Read : 950

Explains in easy-to-understand terminology, the behaviors of people with personality disorders or with traits, particularly blaming, irrational and impulsive behaviors.
Category: Business & Economics

Don T Alienate The Kids

Author : Bill Eddy
ISBN : 9781936268481
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 49.34 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
Download : 343
Read : 1072

Don't Alienate the Kids! is a fresh examination of the child alienation problem from the perspective of a lawyer/therapist/mediator, who also trains judges on managing high-conflict disputes. Author Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., doesn't just analyze the debate (Parental Alienation Syndrome vs. Child Abuse Presumption); he also proposes his own theory of "1000 Little Bricks," based on recent breakthroughs in brain research about how children learn. In his theory, there are no bad parents, just bad behaviors - the behaviors of both parents, family members, friends and divorce professionals. Most of these bad behaviors go unrecognized in daily life, but they help build a Wall of Alienation between a parent and child. By becoming aware and using his tips, we can all help children build a Foundation of Resilience which will last them a lifetime. By becoming aware and using his tips, we can all help children build a Foundation of Resilience which will last them a lifetime. This is a book for any parent even considering a divorce, and for any professional who wants to truly help parents raise resilient children. Bill Eddy's other books include: High Conflict People in Legal Disputes, It's All Your Fault!, Managing High Conflict People in Court, BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns. He is also developed the New Ways for Families method for handling high-conflict custody disputes.
Category: Family & Relationships

So What S Your Proposal

Author : Bill Eddy
ISBN : 9781936268634
Genre : Business & Economics
File Size : 21.24 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
Download : 743
Read : 725

Blame abounds! People confront us at work, the store, and online. Nerves get on edge. We get stuck blaming others for anything that goes wrong. With high-conflict people increasing in society, the twenty-four-hour news cycle, and social media, we hear constantly about the worst behavior. The temptation is to react and blame. Instead, consider using the simple methods taught in this book for getting them out of the past and away from blaming everyone else. Get them to quickly focus on the future, take responsibility, and contribute to finding solutions to problems—including those they created themselves. When people complain and blame you, you don‘t need to defend yourself or respond with anger. Just calmly say: ―So, what‘s your proposal?‖ and focus on teaching the simple three-step method explained in this book. This method will help you stay calm and confident, while earning the respect of those around you—even those who want to blame you! And blame is abundant these days! Every day dozens—if not hundreds—of people confront us at work, at the store, in our communities, and online. Nerves get on edge. Look around; more and more people seem to blame others for anything that goes wrong in their lives. With high-conflict people increasing in society, with the 24-hour news cycle, and with Twitter, Facebook, and the Internet, we are constantly barraged with stories about the worst behavior of people and a plethora of terrible incidents every day. The strong temptation is to react and deflect blame back on them. However, this just feeds the problem. This book lays out a simple, proven method to shift the conversation from the past and blame, to the future and problem solving. The method is extremely effective; we have seen it work over and over again—many times in just 30 seconds. What‘s more, almost anyone can use it—it just takes practice, and this book offer lots of examples to help you get started.
Category: Business & Economics

Splitting

Author : Randi Kreger
ISBN : 1608824721
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 67.76 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Docs
Download : 444
Read : 1159

Protect Yourself from Manipulation, False Accusations, and Abuse Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or is manipulative, divorcing can be especially complicated. While people with these tendencies may initially appear convincing and even charming to lawyers and judges, you know better—many of these “persuasive blamers” leverage false accusations, attempt to manipulate others, launch verbal and physical attacks, and do everything they can to get their way. Splitting is your legal and psychological guide to safely navigating a high-conflict divorce from an unpredictable spouse. Written by Bill Eddy, a family lawyer, therapist, and divorce mediator, and Randi Kreger, coauthor of the BPD classic Stop Walking on Eggshells, this book includes all of the critical information you need to work through the process of divorce in an emotionally balanced, productive way. Turn to this guide to help you: Predict what your spouse may do or say in court Take control of your case with assertiveness and strategic thinking Choose a lawyer who understands your case Learn how e-mails and social networking can be used against you
Category: Family & Relationships

Managing High Conflict People In Court

Author : Bill Eddy
ISBN : 9781936268016
Genre : Law
File Size : 82.79 MB
Format : PDF
Download : 826
Read : 618

This book is designed for judicial officers to use in managing people with high conflict personalities in any courtroom, with an emphasis on family court litigants. This easy-to-read booklet provides judicial officers with accurate and authoritative information about the subject matters covered. It describes general principles and suggestions for judicial officers to immediately put into practice.
Category: Law